... him and says, "Ketchup!"

I hate spending money on ketchup, especially interesting speciality ketchups that cost even more!

 Sautee the tomatoes and onions until they are super duper soft (should have started with the onions first maybe).


Then push them through a 'coarse mesh' sieve or colander. 
You have one. I'm sure you do.

(I added some tomato paste just to increase my numbers.)


Add vinegar, sugar, and a bouquet garni (allspice, mace, cloves, black pepper, celery seed, smashed garlic, bay).


Finally, salt and add paprika or cayenne to taste. Adjust acid/sweet if necessary too. Remember: ketchup is a perfect balance of all flavors. 

Bottle it up.


My grandfather used to eat a spoonful of ketchup before bed every night. He called it his medicine.

Hook up some food for ketchup once its ready! Some garlic chipotle sweet potato fries?

Fry some smelt and then dunk them in garlic-chili-herb butter!

Make a plate with the major ketchup food groups: fried fish, fried root vegetables, and eggs. 

Nice work.